Biden Still Mulling Whether to Enter Benghazi Hearings

Last week, Congress held its 21st hearing on the Benghazi affair. Four more and they get a free hearing! With Thanksgiving coming up, it was nice to see members of a House spend eleven hours on a Thursday yelling at each other.

But some questions totally ensnared Hillary:

“Would you not not say that you are not not not NOT personally responsible for everything bad, ever?”

“If you had a gun with one bullet, and you were in a room with Benghazi mastermind Ahmed Abu Khatalla and Adolf Hitler, who would you nag harder after throwing away your gun because you hate the 2nd amendment?”

“On a scale of 9.5-10, how much treason do you commit per day?”

Republicans are right to be suspicious. Hillary is clearly trying to hide something, albeit incredibly ineffectively. Asked in August if she wiped her email server, she responded, “Like with a cloth or something?” Apparently, after Yale Law, Hillary attended the Derek Zoolander School of Computing, where she learned that wiping the server with a cloth would just smudge all her documents.

Hillary clearly doesn’t get how memory works, which explains why briefly after the attack, she fainted and suffered a concussion. Kind of seems like she was trying to wipe her memory “with the ground or something.”

The Benghazi committee didn’t mention President Obama once in its last report, since Obama is totally old news. For the committee, female is the new black. That’s why the report made 36 mentions of Clinton, referred to as She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. On the other hand, there was no mention of the responsible terror group Ansar al-Sharia, known by retired Navy admiral James Lyons as That-Which-Can-Not-Be-Named ever since he went on Fox and called it “Ansar al –…[visible brain fart]…the terror group that conducted the attack.”

The same Lyons expended what was left of his credibility by conspiring that President Obama might have orchestrated the terror himself. If you’re wondering how someone so uninformed attained four-star status as an admiral in the navy, Yelp has the answer: According to the user DepartmentofDefense, “Admiral Lyons has a fantastic atmosphere, and his naval experience is exquisite. Unfortunately, at times he can be just a tad obtuse and incredibly stupid. Also, a bit pricey. Overall, four stars for this general!”

Hillary spent the whole hearing in the hot seat, but many eyes were set on a second hot seat that Republicans had set up in case Vice President Joe Biden chose at the last second to enter the witch-hunt. Also in the hallway was Bernie Sanders, waving his hands like he was doing karate against invisible capitalists and screaming, “the top 1% of Democratic candidates are harassed in hearings more than the bottom 90% combined!”